Light

For now, I sit and ponder the nature of light.

Heaven is Dark

I've constructed a trailer for the film I've been working on all year. You can view it now on Youtube in HD or SD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnP0s1rNClw

A New Wind Blowing

I need to change some things about myself, to prevent a terrible pattern from repeating itself. It has to do with family. It has to do with violence. It has to do with temperance, love, and respect. It has to do with protecting people.

I feel this is something I can only handle on my own, and I feel I only have one chance. I can't allow myself to drift backward, or it'll be a one way trip.

I'm going to try my hardest to change, and maybe if I succeed, or if I fail, I'll write about it later.

I'm a spiritual lion, and I want to embody that with grace, solidarity, wisdom, and nobility. This should be my point of reference and my reminder to respect and uphold what I truly am.

I'm moving to Colorado Springs in only a week, and during this season of Samhain I have a godsend opportunity to put away things that need to be left behind me, and move forward into a new life and a new light.

No more mistakes like this, lion.

Stasis

Things feel unmoving.

I need to do more. I need more energy and motivation, and most of all I need to be happier. I don't have much to be unhappy about these days, I just feel sort of stuck in many aspects of my life. I need to find contentment in where I'm at, even though there is constant stress from not being where I want to be. That grass is always greener nonsense is very real.

I'm just stressing myself out though. I get touchy too easy these days, and I run the risk of hurting people's feelings. Time to get back to basics.

-Jace

Solar Power

I've come to realize I am solar powered. Since I moved in to my current apartment in January, I have felt lethargic and sluggish on a regular basis. This is primarily because my apartment faces an alleyway between two buildings and does not get hit with any direct sunlight at any point in the day. I only get reflected light off the other building in front of mine, not even skylight.

I think my chemicals are seriously out of whack because of this, and I truly look forward to moving in another month. I am going to try like hell to get a west facing apartment, and hopefully one with a balcony.

It's funny, because I've always been a creature of the night. I love to stay up late and sleep in late. I love the night, but recently I've been finding if I spend too much time doing this I am not in the best health.

I am an avid spiritualist, and as part of my own personal spirituality I believe in drawing power from the four elements, air, fire, water, and earth. I've come to theorize that throughout life, we go through a cycle in which we tend to identify primarily with one of these elements. I used to be very water oriented in high school. I loved the thought of ice and water. I felt I drew energy from them, then as I moved out for college I slowly felt my tendencies shifting towards air. Now that I'm moving out of college, I feel a gradual shift towards fire. Funny too, because it is only in the last few years that I have completely accepted and recognized the leonine aspect of myself. Lions, in many cultures throughout the world, represent the element of fire (Leo is the Fixed Fire sign of the Zodiac), and they represent the sun because the mane encircling their head resembles the suns rays. The more I synchronize with my lion side, the more I find myself requiring solar energy, instead of the lunar energy I am so used to from staying up so many late nights.

So I am going to attempt to get out and get some sun every day, and to catch the sunset, or whatever I can see of it from this boxy little city called St. Louis. I think I'll be a much happier and healthier lion.

By the way, I'm totally addicted to Ocean Spray White Cranberry juice. It's the best thing I've ever drank. Go out and buy some right now. You won't regret it.

Mabon

From one spoke on the Wheel to the next without a blog post. My life is exciting.

Everything's well for the most part. I spent the Autumn Equinox feasting with my boy. I cooked up a bird, some homemade mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, rice, and home baked bread within half an hour. My favorite thing about cooking is when I cook pork steaks for CJ, who hates pork steaks, and he devours them, or when he tells me before dinner that he doesn't really care for mashed potatoes, then tells me after dinner that his favorite part was the mashed potatoes.

No, it doesn't mean the rest of it sucked or he's just being nice. It means I'm a good cook, duh.

I'm at a stalemate with my film, not making the progress I want to be, but trying nonetheless to move forward. We'll be moving to Colorado Springs at the end of October, hopefully not on Halloween, my favorite holiday and an important spiritual observance known as Samhain. I am having a little trouble deciding what to do about a costume, as the ones you can buy premade are cheaply made and overpriced. I hope I can come up with something reasonable.

That's all for now. Things are swell.

Lughnasadh

Well, like every year in the past three that I have celebrated the ancient pagan festivals known as Sabbats, I sort of skimped on Lughnasadh.

Funny too, because it's an important holiday for me. This is the time when the sun moves into the constellation Leo. It's a really bright, fiery time of the year when the wheatfields turn golden and the air begins to cool for autumn. It's exceptionally filled with good business energy and lots of leonine spirit.

I tend to sort of let it pass by every year without making much of a deal out of it. This is because traditionally it falls on August 1, a day when I always seem to be busy with some kind of move, preparing for school, birthdays, road trips, you name it.

So, even though it's almost September and we are swiftly moving into Mabon turf, I am going to celebrate Lughnasadh tonight. I, in fact, held a little feast for it already a couple weeks ago, but I didn't yet get to uphold my favorite custom, which is to build a man out of sticks and burn it as a symbolic sacrifice of things that must be shed off in life in order to move forward successfully. Before it is burned, I write down things about my life or myself that I want to be rid of on strips of paper and tie them to it. It's a very nice way of letting go of the negative things that hold me down.

So away I go, with my leonine spirit, to peruse the woods for twigs and build a little wicker man. He'll be burned on the grill outside my apartment tonight.

Here's to better days!